the philosophy, or sophistry, of the dress

I am going home in just under two weeks! Hooray! Unfortunately I have to get through two term papers before then, one of which I’m not very inspired to write. In good news, I passed the Level One (formerly known as the MA) Latin Exam, which has given me a boost of energy. I’m pleased that I can say I not only got my MA, but also passed the exam that, until this year, was a requirement for getting the exam. I figure that with a BA in Latin Language & Literature it’s more than due!

Latin exams have little to do with weddings, however. Wedding wise…I googled to try to find the prices of the dresses I love, and where I could find them listed online (as in “this dress normally costs X, we sell it for Y) the normal cost was right on my budget, so I’m very happy. There is nothing worse than falling in love with a picture and then having to end that love before even trying on the dress! Although I don’t want anything extravagant, I am all about unique details and those can add up. So, one more reason to be pleased. I feel a little silly thinking about dresses when we haven’t even set a date, but we can’t set a date until I get a permanent job, and I can’t get that job until we move to Britain. So!

I like watching “Say Yes to the Dress” on Slice. There is always all this talk about what dress defines Bride for that woman. Maybe it is a sign that I’ve been doing too many facebook quizzes lately (just like it is a sign that my spell check is a bit old as it insists that “facebook” is two words) but I feel like there should be a “what does your bridal gown say about you” quiz. I was all set to write about how I don’t have some sort of ideal in my head, and then I realized that wasn’t true.

So what do my dresses say about me? The ones I keep coming back to have a definite vintage feel, some of them even medieval, or what I prefer to term “romantic”. Lets get me away from medieval clichés, please! I love pre-Raphaelite art, and I love movies from Hollywood’s Golden Era, and the styles seem to reflect that. I don’t have some sort of tangible ideal in my head, just a bunch of misty ideas that various pictures seem to hit. And as a reflection of personal style, that is essentially my closet--mostly things with something unique, and something romantic (or so I’m terming butterfly sleeves and lace), or something vintage (like retro, or retro-inspired, shirts and dresses). But that’s exterior, so can I dissect my personality from this? Can I say that my clothing style defines me as a person, or at least as a Bride? Because the dress symbolizes more than just clothing, or we wouldn’t all spend a lot of time or money, or time & creativity, into having a garment we wear for one day. I don't want to be the Lady of Shalott, or the Medieval Bride, or a copy of a pre-raphaelite costume, or in-style. I just want to be me!

So, who am I? Because that is the question I keep coming back to, wedding dresses aside. If I’m planning a wedding that is about me, and David, about us--who are we? And I think what makes me uncomfortable is that I can’t neatly compartmentalize our personalities into something Germanicly efficient (as David would say). I cannot define myself, aside from IMAGINATIVE. So is that the key? Is the key to all this that we are both highly imaginative people, and that no matter what we pick, or I pick, it is going to be a reflection of that? Actually, I think I’ve just hit on the key. And solved my problem. Hooray for blog!

Everything I look at for this wedding in some way or another relates to something imaginative--a reminder of a book, or of a concept, or an artistic portrayal. I want something that feeds into my imagination, and speaks to my inner self. The question now is, on this one day of gathering friends and family together to see us at our best and at our beginning, do I take the plunge and do something very rare for me--expose my true inner self to many people who don’t know that self? I think the answer is that I don’t have a choice--I know I will be crying all through my wedding ceremony, and after being that open in front of people it seems that there will be little hope of me hiding my inner self. Also, shouldn’t I be going to the altar as completely myself as possible? This isn’t so much about a dress then, as it is about openness. So what will my dress say about me?

Also, I promise I will put pictures up soon of the ones I really like. I just want to show them to my mum first, and I don’t want to ruin the “awww omg” moment by putting them on the blog and risking someone directing her here, or her missing seeing them before her friends.