I am going home in just under two weeks! Hooray! Unfortunately I have to get through two term papers before then, one of which I’m not very inspired to write. In good news, I passed the Level One (formerly known as the MA) Latin Exam, which has given me a boost of energy. I’m pleased that I can say I not only got my MA, but also passed the exam that, until this year, was a requirement for getting the exam. I figure that with a BA in Latin Language & Literature it’s more than due!
Latin exams have little to do with weddings, however. Wedding wise…I googled to try to find the prices of the dresses I love, and where I could find them listed online (as in “this dress normally costs X, we sell it for Y) the normal cost was right on my budget, so I’m very happy. There is nothing worse than falling in love with a picture and then having to end that love before even trying on the dress! Although I don’t want anything extravagant, I am all about unique details and those can add up. So, one more reason to be pleased. I feel a little silly thinking about dresses when we haven’t even set a date, but we can’t set a date until I get a permanent job, and I can’t get that job until we move to Britain. So!
I like watching “Say Yes to the Dress” on Slice. There is always all this talk about what dress defines Bride for that woman. Maybe it is a sign that I’ve been doing too many facebook quizzes lately (just like it is a sign that my spell check is a bit old as it insists that “facebook” is two words) but I feel like there should be a “what does your bridal gown say about you” quiz. I was all set to write about how I don’t have some sort of ideal in my head, and then I realized that wasn’t true.
So what do my dresses say about me? The ones I keep coming back to have a definite vintage feel, some of them even medieval, or what I prefer to term “romantic”. Lets get me away from medieval clichés, please! I love pre-Raphaelite art, and I love movies from Hollywood’s Golden Era, and the styles seem to reflect that. I don’t have some sort of tangible ideal in my head, just a bunch of misty ideas that various pictures seem to hit. And as a reflection of personal style, that is essentially my closet--mostly things with something unique, and something romantic (or so I’m terming butterfly sleeves and lace), or something vintage (like retro, or retro-inspired, shirts and dresses). But that’s exterior, so can I dissect my personality from this? Can I say that my clothing style defines me as a person, or at least as a Bride? Because the dress symbolizes more than just clothing, or we wouldn’t all spend a lot of time or money, or time & creativity, into having a garment we wear for one day. I don't want to be the Lady of Shalott, or the Medieval Bride, or a copy of a pre-raphaelite costume, or in-style. I just want to be me!
So, who am I? Because that is the question I keep coming back to, wedding dresses aside. If I’m planning a wedding that is about me, and David, about us--who are we? And I think what makes me uncomfortable is that I can’t neatly compartmentalize our personalities into something Germanicly efficient (as David would say). I cannot define myself, aside from IMAGINATIVE. So is that the key? Is the key to all this that we are both highly imaginative people, and that no matter what we pick, or I pick, it is going to be a reflection of that? Actually, I think I’ve just hit on the key. And solved my problem. Hooray for blog!
Everything I look at for this wedding in some way or another relates to something imaginative--a reminder of a book, or of a concept, or an artistic portrayal. I want something that feeds into my imagination, and speaks to my inner self. The question now is, on this one day of gathering friends and family together to see us at our best and at our beginning, do I take the plunge and do something very rare for me--expose my true inner self to many people who don’t know that self? I think the answer is that I don’t have a choice--I know I will be crying all through my wedding ceremony, and after being that open in front of people it seems that there will be little hope of me hiding my inner self. Also, shouldn’t I be going to the altar as completely myself as possible? This isn’t so much about a dress then, as it is about openness. So what will my dress say about me?
Also, I promise I will put pictures up soon of the ones I really like. I just want to show them to my mum first, and I don’t want to ruin the “awww omg” moment by putting them on the blog and risking someone directing her here, or her missing seeing them before her friends.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
some plans
It’s 11:45 on Holy Thursday. I’ve spent the day running around and I doubt that my good intentions of doing research are going to come to fruition, as I need to get up at 8:30 tomorrow. So, I spend more time on wedding. I somehow envision my final comments on essays this semester along the lines of “A+ on wedding planning, A- in ESSAY”.
Wedding plans have been escalating. It’s a good way to procrastinate right now, and I want to have most of my ideas settled by May, when I go back to BC, so mum and I can actually get some work done on it! Plans, of course, may change but these are some things I’m thinking right now:
- mismatched bridesmaids dresses. My thing is, I like people to look good. And I realize that unless you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing, you’re just not going to look as good. And I have four beautiful ladies with very different body types to clothe. We also all live in different cities across Canada. So rather than trying to coordinate and find something that looks good on everyone, I’m thinking of just giving them all the colour I want and sending them forth to match it (with my specification on length). I’ve seen pictures of weddings done like this, and I think they come out looking beautiful and unique. This way my girls can decide how much they want to spend, what kind of dress makes them comfortable (my love of plunging necklines is not for all!), and hopefully will be left with something cute and summery that they can wear again. I plan to go with a colour that the bridal salons carry for dresses, so even if they can’t find it commercially they can find it that way. I don’t mind if the colours are different, as long as they’re all in the same family. I think a multi-shaded bridal party would look spiffy. But, no mixing of cool and warm colours!
- for the men… David has a lovely charcoal gray suit that he wants to wear, and I’m all for this. Might as well make it special, right? So we’re going to match the wedding colours to the same family of blue that goes with his suit (I’m taking his tie home to match). But I don’t want all my groomsmen in dark suits in August. I like sweater vests, but my brother informs me that this is lame. And the groom wants them to wear suits, so I bow to his fashion sense in this case. I think that putting them in light grey suits will look pretty nice, especially with the blue accents. Again, I don’t want a cookie-cutter grooms side, so I figure by changing the colour of their suits I get away from this.
- location! It looks as if we’re going to get married in Port Alberni. There are various factors involved, but the two most persuasive are cost and, more important for me, sentimental value. Much as I love Victoria, it’s not my hometown. And pretty as Our Lady of the Rosary is, it’s not as meaningful for me as Our Lady of Notre Dame is. And since they’re both dedicated to the Virgin they are both equally good in my opinion! I don’t know if the priests in Port will have changed, but hopefully one of the ones I know will still be there.
- reception. I want to do something different. The idea of a formal dinner & dance freaks me out. The idea of an afternoon tea with sandwiches, or of appetizers and desserts, is one that I can get behind but still seems too formal for me. Things David & I both love are picnics, hanging out with friends, big family dinners, and potlucks. So I thought I may as well combine all that into a giant picnic/potluck reception in a park. We’re going to provide food as well, of course, but I’m really hoping that people get into the fun of the whole thing and bring a dish and dress casually enough that they can actually enjoy the park. Yes, I envision softball! I’m still figuring out the invitation wording. But basically I just want a giant family & friend reunion, set outside surrounded by the mountains and green space that I love. The potluck idea was actually David’s mum’s idea, and I’ve had numerous others say what a grand idea it is. I keep thinking back to my grandma’s story of her own wedding, when she told me that everyone in the neighbourhood baked pies for it. I love that communal aspect. I mean, a wedding is communal after all!
That’s about where things are at right now. Still no date picked, and I don’t expect to have set “for realz” until early October, but right now I’m leaning towards August 7th, 2010. This could very well change based on work and school schedules, and finances. The whole picnic thing may have to go out the window if we need to throw an off season wedding, for example. But, I’m really excited about this.
Wedding plans have been escalating. It’s a good way to procrastinate right now, and I want to have most of my ideas settled by May, when I go back to BC, so mum and I can actually get some work done on it! Plans, of course, may change but these are some things I’m thinking right now:
- mismatched bridesmaids dresses. My thing is, I like people to look good. And I realize that unless you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing, you’re just not going to look as good. And I have four beautiful ladies with very different body types to clothe. We also all live in different cities across Canada. So rather than trying to coordinate and find something that looks good on everyone, I’m thinking of just giving them all the colour I want and sending them forth to match it (with my specification on length). I’ve seen pictures of weddings done like this, and I think they come out looking beautiful and unique. This way my girls can decide how much they want to spend, what kind of dress makes them comfortable (my love of plunging necklines is not for all!), and hopefully will be left with something cute and summery that they can wear again. I plan to go with a colour that the bridal salons carry for dresses, so even if they can’t find it commercially they can find it that way. I don’t mind if the colours are different, as long as they’re all in the same family. I think a multi-shaded bridal party would look spiffy. But, no mixing of cool and warm colours!
- for the men… David has a lovely charcoal gray suit that he wants to wear, and I’m all for this. Might as well make it special, right? So we’re going to match the wedding colours to the same family of blue that goes with his suit (I’m taking his tie home to match). But I don’t want all my groomsmen in dark suits in August. I like sweater vests, but my brother informs me that this is lame. And the groom wants them to wear suits, so I bow to his fashion sense in this case. I think that putting them in light grey suits will look pretty nice, especially with the blue accents. Again, I don’t want a cookie-cutter grooms side, so I figure by changing the colour of their suits I get away from this.
- location! It looks as if we’re going to get married in Port Alberni. There are various factors involved, but the two most persuasive are cost and, more important for me, sentimental value. Much as I love Victoria, it’s not my hometown. And pretty as Our Lady of the Rosary is, it’s not as meaningful for me as Our Lady of Notre Dame is. And since they’re both dedicated to the Virgin they are both equally good in my opinion! I don’t know if the priests in Port will have changed, but hopefully one of the ones I know will still be there.
- reception. I want to do something different. The idea of a formal dinner & dance freaks me out. The idea of an afternoon tea with sandwiches, or of appetizers and desserts, is one that I can get behind but still seems too formal for me. Things David & I both love are picnics, hanging out with friends, big family dinners, and potlucks. So I thought I may as well combine all that into a giant picnic/potluck reception in a park. We’re going to provide food as well, of course, but I’m really hoping that people get into the fun of the whole thing and bring a dish and dress casually enough that they can actually enjoy the park. Yes, I envision softball! I’m still figuring out the invitation wording. But basically I just want a giant family & friend reunion, set outside surrounded by the mountains and green space that I love. The potluck idea was actually David’s mum’s idea, and I’ve had numerous others say what a grand idea it is. I keep thinking back to my grandma’s story of her own wedding, when she told me that everyone in the neighbourhood baked pies for it. I love that communal aspect. I mean, a wedding is communal after all!
That’s about where things are at right now. Still no date picked, and I don’t expect to have set “for realz” until early October, but right now I’m leaning towards August 7th, 2010. This could very well change based on work and school schedules, and finances. The whole picnic thing may have to go out the window if we need to throw an off season wedding, for example. But, I’m really excited about this.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
dress excitement
I’m really excited right now, and David is not having an appropriate girly-jumpy moment with me, so I have to turn to blogging.
Basically, it is this--although I’ve been looking at lots of wedding dresses, I’ve been having trouble finding one that seems like me. I don’t want something totally period (ie: medieval), but I also don’t see myself in many modern dresses. It just so happened that I found a dress that looks perfect (to me) online. The catch is that the store selling it is in Toronto, and it is a “no name brand” in the realm of wedding dresses. Until David’s Cambridge news came this didn’t matter, because if I had to I could buy the dress here and then take it home with me for the wedding. But now it seems doubtful that I am going to buy a dress in Toronto, since we won’t be here.
But today my googling brought me into contact with a discount bridal store in Victoria that just happens to carry the same line as this Toronto one, and the dress I love is one of the ones they carry! I’m so happy! The price also happens to be UNDER the low end of my budget by about $100.
So, I’m pretty excited. The only potential downside at the moment is that the store is not open on Fridays, which is the day we are going shopping. But they have evening appointments on Thursdays, so I’m just trying to convince my mother to drive down early to Victoria. AND if I’m unable to get an appointment, it doesn’t really matter (aside from my initial disappointment) because I’ll be able to try the gown on in Toronto and see if I like it and then place my order at another date--like when/if we’re back in September before flying to Cambridge.
Obviously, I don’t know if I’m getting the dress. A lot is going to depend on the quality of construction and material. For example, if the dress is smotheringly heavy it’s probably not going to be ideal for August. And I’m still planning to go to two other bridal stores on the Friday “just in case” and I may end up finding something better on me there. BUT, it still makes me really happy because when I saw this dress the first time I melted and thought “THAT is what I want”. It has all the elements of the medieval-style “arran” gown that I loved when I was younger, but toned down a little. It’s satin with a chiffon overlay, so it has a nice ripply/moving effect (I want something that flows), and it has just a little train at the back.
So, we’ll see. I’m definitely moving towards chiffon as a dress material, because to me the shade-depth of the fabric seems richer than satin, and the chiffon dresses I’ve seen just seem to have more flow to the fabric. But, I’m not posting any pictures until I actually try on dresses because there is no sense in planting one idea only to have it change.
And I would like to state that, even if you see my walking down the aisle in a dress that looks like it’s from the pages of “cliché medieval book”--THIS IS NOT A MEDIEVAL THEMED WEDDING. I just happen to like bell sleeves!
Basically, it is this--although I’ve been looking at lots of wedding dresses, I’ve been having trouble finding one that seems like me. I don’t want something totally period (ie: medieval), but I also don’t see myself in many modern dresses. It just so happened that I found a dress that looks perfect (to me) online. The catch is that the store selling it is in Toronto, and it is a “no name brand” in the realm of wedding dresses. Until David’s Cambridge news came this didn’t matter, because if I had to I could buy the dress here and then take it home with me for the wedding. But now it seems doubtful that I am going to buy a dress in Toronto, since we won’t be here.
But today my googling brought me into contact with a discount bridal store in Victoria that just happens to carry the same line as this Toronto one, and the dress I love is one of the ones they carry! I’m so happy! The price also happens to be UNDER the low end of my budget by about $100.
So, I’m pretty excited. The only potential downside at the moment is that the store is not open on Fridays, which is the day we are going shopping. But they have evening appointments on Thursdays, so I’m just trying to convince my mother to drive down early to Victoria. AND if I’m unable to get an appointment, it doesn’t really matter (aside from my initial disappointment) because I’ll be able to try the gown on in Toronto and see if I like it and then place my order at another date--like when/if we’re back in September before flying to Cambridge.
Obviously, I don’t know if I’m getting the dress. A lot is going to depend on the quality of construction and material. For example, if the dress is smotheringly heavy it’s probably not going to be ideal for August. And I’m still planning to go to two other bridal stores on the Friday “just in case” and I may end up finding something better on me there. BUT, it still makes me really happy because when I saw this dress the first time I melted and thought “THAT is what I want”. It has all the elements of the medieval-style “arran” gown that I loved when I was younger, but toned down a little. It’s satin with a chiffon overlay, so it has a nice ripply/moving effect (I want something that flows), and it has just a little train at the back.
So, we’ll see. I’m definitely moving towards chiffon as a dress material, because to me the shade-depth of the fabric seems richer than satin, and the chiffon dresses I’ve seen just seem to have more flow to the fabric. But, I’m not posting any pictures until I actually try on dresses because there is no sense in planting one idea only to have it change.
And I would like to state that, even if you see my walking down the aisle in a dress that looks like it’s from the pages of “cliché medieval book”--THIS IS NOT A MEDIEVAL THEMED WEDDING. I just happen to like bell sleeves!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
off beat bride
People have asked if we’re going to move the date of the wedding up since we’re moving to England, and the answer is NO. I admit that the instant reaction, even my own, to news of moving is always “get married”, but I think it’s more of a gut reaction than something practical. Neither of us wants to rush the day and take on more stress than we need, especially with all the work that is going to come with moving overseas. As well, I really don’t understand this rush to get married, although admittedly I tend to take things rather slow. I think it will be wonderful, but I also think what we have right now is wonderful in its own way. What I mean is that I’m content, not that I want to wait indefinitely. There are things I want, sooner rather than later, but forcing them to happen is not a good idea.
All that said, I’m starting to get really excited about planning the wedding. I admit the idea of planning from England is a little more daunting than planning from Toronto, but it will all work out somehow. I’m hoping to get a bunch of stuff done for it when I’m home in May. I am going dress shopping with my mum & David’s mum, which is going to be fun. I’m a bit nervous about finding “the dress”, however. I’ve been looking at pictures for awhile and although there are various styles that I like, and one I even love, until I see them on me I just can’t feel it. I’m really concerned about having something that moves and flows and is not constructed feeling. I have my own personal (unique!) style, and I want that to come through in whatever dress I end up with. It has to be me. A lot of the “gothy” or “medieval” type dresses that I like are sold by UK vendors online, so if I don’t find anything I love I may just wait until I’m over there and get something totally unique and different for a lot less money! But we’ll see. When I buy clothing I’m sold on the little bits of detail that make something different and unique. I’d like sleeves, but we’re planning an August wedding and I don’t want to be too hot.
I slacked off a little (not too much!) this evening and spent some time surfing OffBeatBride.com, a site my friend Terra recommended to me. The site has lots of really cool ideas, beautiful pictures, and lovely stories. It’s definitely going to help me get away from the forms of a traditional wedding. It is funny, to me, because I don’t really consider myself off-beat, although I know I probably appear that way through many of my actions. I just find the idea of an ostentatious display really bothersome. I don’t need to spend $50,000+ to feel good about myself and to make me excited to marry David. Hence, aside from the Giant Catholic Ceremony, we are going to keep everything low key and relaxed and fun.
That’s about that for tonight. Hopefully I’ve gotten enough wedding out of my system that I can focus on work for the next couple of days.
All that said, I’m starting to get really excited about planning the wedding. I admit the idea of planning from England is a little more daunting than planning from Toronto, but it will all work out somehow. I’m hoping to get a bunch of stuff done for it when I’m home in May. I am going dress shopping with my mum & David’s mum, which is going to be fun. I’m a bit nervous about finding “the dress”, however. I’ve been looking at pictures for awhile and although there are various styles that I like, and one I even love, until I see them on me I just can’t feel it. I’m really concerned about having something that moves and flows and is not constructed feeling. I have my own personal (unique!) style, and I want that to come through in whatever dress I end up with. It has to be me. A lot of the “gothy” or “medieval” type dresses that I like are sold by UK vendors online, so if I don’t find anything I love I may just wait until I’m over there and get something totally unique and different for a lot less money! But we’ll see. When I buy clothing I’m sold on the little bits of detail that make something different and unique. I’d like sleeves, but we’re planning an August wedding and I don’t want to be too hot.
I slacked off a little (not too much!) this evening and spent some time surfing OffBeatBride.com, a site my friend Terra recommended to me. The site has lots of really cool ideas, beautiful pictures, and lovely stories. It’s definitely going to help me get away from the forms of a traditional wedding. It is funny, to me, because I don’t really consider myself off-beat, although I know I probably appear that way through many of my actions. I just find the idea of an ostentatious display really bothersome. I don’t need to spend $50,000+ to feel good about myself and to make me excited to marry David. Hence, aside from the Giant Catholic Ceremony, we are going to keep everything low key and relaxed and fun.
That’s about that for tonight. Hopefully I’ve gotten enough wedding out of my system that I can focus on work for the next couple of days.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
for the asking
With all the good things that have happened to us at the end of this week there is so much to say. And I feel that with our future suddenly shining bright and unknown in a good way, with us finally coming out of this gloomy pit of uncertainty, it seems nice to present this not as one of the few bright spots in the year, but as the first of a really grand adventure. So: The Proposal.
***
The bus ride down island was incredibly relaxing. I was on just the right level of sleep deprivation to enjoy listening to music and meditating. As always, I find that the long drive through the mountains and by the ocean restores me. I need the trees and the water to feel whole. During the trip I was caught up remembering all the other trips I’d taken over the years to see David. It was just a lovely, peaceful, reminiscent ride.
I arrived in Langford, where David and his dad met me. I was a little disappointed, because I’d hoped that David and I could walk home from the bus stop like we used to, but with the amount of snowfall this was impossible. I’d hoped that if we walked home, and if he’d found a ring, he’d propose. Or, barring that, we’d at least get to spend some time together alone before all the visiting. But, it was not to be. We went back to his place, and then out again for a big family lunch. At lunch we discussed our plans for the evening, and for a while it looked as if David and I might bus downtown together and wander around the waterfront. I again hoped that, if he had a ring, he would perhaps propose downtown at one of our old haunts. Again, this was not to be. To spend more time with his sister Julia, we accepted a ride from her downtown but this did not leave us with any time for wandering around.
We were spending New Years with our friend Steve. It ended up being a quiet party at his place, with just four of us drinking and playing the board-game Zombies. By this point in the evening I realized that my engagement was not going to happen. The strange thing was that I wasn’t disappointed. It was enough to just be in the company of old friends, playing a game and relaxing. I was content. Closer to midnight we wandered downtown to ring in the new year with a crowd. David procured a jaunty New Years hat for me, and we joined the celebrations. Then it was time to run to catch the last bus out to Langford.
I don’t remember much of the bus ride. I was a little tipsy… the ride was bumpy. David was talking to me about his vacation (this was the first we’d been alone all day). He then mentioned that he’d tried to find a ring for me, but there was nothing that he liked in the stores he’d gone to, and everything would’ve had to be sent away for sizing. In short, he had no ring for me. I was a little disappointed, because there is always lingering hope, but that was that. No engagement for me, but the trip was still fun.
When we got back to Langford it was snowing. We stopped at Tim Horton’s for coffee and donuts to sober up, and then had a lovely walk back to his parents’ in the snow. It was absolutely beautiful outside, and serenely quiet. When we got in we spent some time chatting with his dad, but then I excused myself to go upstairs. David stayed downstairs talking, so I sat down on his bed and pulled out my book and started to read. I admit I was impatient, waiting for him to finish his conversation so he could come talk to ME, whom he hadn’t seen in 4 weeks, and eventually I heard him moving around. He came up the stairs, then turned and went back down. I thought nothing of it. He came back up the stairs and came into the room and stood in the doorway and asked me to sit up. I was not quite sure what was going on in his mind. I thought he was either going to tease me, or tell me something negatively serious.
As I sat up, he dropped to one knee and pulled a ring out of his pocket. I don’t remember the exact words of his proposal, because I was in too much shock. After years of teasing him about how he’d never manage to surprise me with a proposal, because I was always expecting one, he’d managed to pull it off. In the one place I’d never expect a proposal, namely his old room, but yet in a place full of memories from our years of dating in Victoria. The room where, laying in bed with my face all smashed up, I realized how well he would take care of me. The room where we managed to snatch a few precious moments alone together when he came back from Spain. The room where we’d watched countless movies, listened to countless records, and spent countless hours just being together.
I accepted his proposal. I think I said “yes” and “is this for real” about fifty times. He had not found a ring, so he proposed with my little brass & enamel ring that I’d lent him for sizing, but promised that we shop together when we got back home. And after that I called my parents. My dad knew as soon as the phone rang, I think, because he demanded that I tell him “my news” before he’d pass the phone on. After the family-call, we stayed up most of the night talking. I slept very little. I spent the next day crying with joy and making phone calls and telling people in person.
The most fun we had was telling David’s family. Because we could tell them in person, we just slipped it into conversation. I made sure to keep my ring finger hidden. It was a lot of fun, particularly because it didn’t quite dawn on people right away. The most special moment of telling, however, was when I told my Grandma. I hadn’t planned to tell her that day, but I had called my mum to hash out details of picking me up from the bus that day and she told me she was at Grandma’s, because Grandma wasn’t feeling well. Then she suggested I tell her my news, which I did, and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I heard my Grandma burst into tears on the other end of the line, while telling me between them just how much she loved me and was happy for me. It is one of the most special moments in my life.
The day ended with an impromptu engagement celebration with David’s family. We had champagne, appetizers, and a “Jamaican engagement traditional dish” (according to Jen) of rice, rum, and shrimp. I then had to head off to the bus and back to Port. I spent the bus ride back in a happy daze of tears and smiles. The rest of vacation passed--mum began making wedding plans--and then it was back to Toronto.
So here we are. I am engaged to the love of my life. I’m sitting in a low-ceilinged apartment in Toronto, and we’re finishing one of the most stressful years of our lives together thus far. I think we’re stronger because of it, but it’s not always easy. School-stress, on top of our little house which causes physical discomfort for David and was having a very negative impact on my seasonal depression during the winter, on top of the recent changes to our plans…but we are surviving and having fun, and the time for a new chapter is almost here.
My New Year's Hat
The morning after. I think this is the happiest we've ever appeared in a photo. Taken by Sarah after we told her.
Champagne and celebrations! Again, photo by Sarah.
Me with my handsome fiance and two beautiful sisters
***
The bus ride down island was incredibly relaxing. I was on just the right level of sleep deprivation to enjoy listening to music and meditating. As always, I find that the long drive through the mountains and by the ocean restores me. I need the trees and the water to feel whole. During the trip I was caught up remembering all the other trips I’d taken over the years to see David. It was just a lovely, peaceful, reminiscent ride.
I arrived in Langford, where David and his dad met me. I was a little disappointed, because I’d hoped that David and I could walk home from the bus stop like we used to, but with the amount of snowfall this was impossible. I’d hoped that if we walked home, and if he’d found a ring, he’d propose. Or, barring that, we’d at least get to spend some time together alone before all the visiting. But, it was not to be. We went back to his place, and then out again for a big family lunch. At lunch we discussed our plans for the evening, and for a while it looked as if David and I might bus downtown together and wander around the waterfront. I again hoped that, if he had a ring, he would perhaps propose downtown at one of our old haunts. Again, this was not to be. To spend more time with his sister Julia, we accepted a ride from her downtown but this did not leave us with any time for wandering around.
We were spending New Years with our friend Steve. It ended up being a quiet party at his place, with just four of us drinking and playing the board-game Zombies. By this point in the evening I realized that my engagement was not going to happen. The strange thing was that I wasn’t disappointed. It was enough to just be in the company of old friends, playing a game and relaxing. I was content. Closer to midnight we wandered downtown to ring in the new year with a crowd. David procured a jaunty New Years hat for me, and we joined the celebrations. Then it was time to run to catch the last bus out to Langford.
I don’t remember much of the bus ride. I was a little tipsy… the ride was bumpy. David was talking to me about his vacation (this was the first we’d been alone all day). He then mentioned that he’d tried to find a ring for me, but there was nothing that he liked in the stores he’d gone to, and everything would’ve had to be sent away for sizing. In short, he had no ring for me. I was a little disappointed, because there is always lingering hope, but that was that. No engagement for me, but the trip was still fun.
When we got back to Langford it was snowing. We stopped at Tim Horton’s for coffee and donuts to sober up, and then had a lovely walk back to his parents’ in the snow. It was absolutely beautiful outside, and serenely quiet. When we got in we spent some time chatting with his dad, but then I excused myself to go upstairs. David stayed downstairs talking, so I sat down on his bed and pulled out my book and started to read. I admit I was impatient, waiting for him to finish his conversation so he could come talk to ME, whom he hadn’t seen in 4 weeks, and eventually I heard him moving around. He came up the stairs, then turned and went back down. I thought nothing of it. He came back up the stairs and came into the room and stood in the doorway and asked me to sit up. I was not quite sure what was going on in his mind. I thought he was either going to tease me, or tell me something negatively serious.
As I sat up, he dropped to one knee and pulled a ring out of his pocket. I don’t remember the exact words of his proposal, because I was in too much shock. After years of teasing him about how he’d never manage to surprise me with a proposal, because I was always expecting one, he’d managed to pull it off. In the one place I’d never expect a proposal, namely his old room, but yet in a place full of memories from our years of dating in Victoria. The room where, laying in bed with my face all smashed up, I realized how well he would take care of me. The room where we managed to snatch a few precious moments alone together when he came back from Spain. The room where we’d watched countless movies, listened to countless records, and spent countless hours just being together.
I accepted his proposal. I think I said “yes” and “is this for real” about fifty times. He had not found a ring, so he proposed with my little brass & enamel ring that I’d lent him for sizing, but promised that we shop together when we got back home. And after that I called my parents. My dad knew as soon as the phone rang, I think, because he demanded that I tell him “my news” before he’d pass the phone on. After the family-call, we stayed up most of the night talking. I slept very little. I spent the next day crying with joy and making phone calls and telling people in person.
The most fun we had was telling David’s family. Because we could tell them in person, we just slipped it into conversation. I made sure to keep my ring finger hidden. It was a lot of fun, particularly because it didn’t quite dawn on people right away. The most special moment of telling, however, was when I told my Grandma. I hadn’t planned to tell her that day, but I had called my mum to hash out details of picking me up from the bus that day and she told me she was at Grandma’s, because Grandma wasn’t feeling well. Then she suggested I tell her my news, which I did, and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I heard my Grandma burst into tears on the other end of the line, while telling me between them just how much she loved me and was happy for me. It is one of the most special moments in my life.
The day ended with an impromptu engagement celebration with David’s family. We had champagne, appetizers, and a “Jamaican engagement traditional dish” (according to Jen) of rice, rum, and shrimp. I then had to head off to the bus and back to Port. I spent the bus ride back in a happy daze of tears and smiles. The rest of vacation passed--mum began making wedding plans--and then it was back to Toronto.
So here we are. I am engaged to the love of my life. I’m sitting in a low-ceilinged apartment in Toronto, and we’re finishing one of the most stressful years of our lives together thus far. I think we’re stronger because of it, but it’s not always easy. School-stress, on top of our little house which causes physical discomfort for David and was having a very negative impact on my seasonal depression during the winter, on top of the recent changes to our plans…but we are surviving and having fun, and the time for a new chapter is almost here.
My New Year's Hat
The morning after. I think this is the happiest we've ever appeared in a photo. Taken by Sarah after we told her. 
Champagne and celebrations! Again, photo by Sarah.
Me with my handsome fiance and two beautiful sistersThursday, March 26, 2009
absolutely amazing
so, today was rather dull. go to school and cram too much work into too little time. eat an apple. go to Latin. go to class which always makes me feel kind of low these days. eat some grapes. come home, annoyed because our toilet is broken and difficult to flush, and i have too much work to do for tomorrow...
and when i show up, all the windows to our place are open and there is music blasting from out of the house. and david's not visible from the outside. So I come in and he rushes up to me to tell me...
He got a full scholarship to Clare College, Cambridge... as in, IN ENGLAND. As in, tuition and living expenses covered.
We are so excited--you cannot believe it. Absolutely floored.
People are asking what this means for us. Considering I found out about thirty minutes ago, I'm not too sure. It's something we will definitely have to sit down and think out. I have ideas for the immediate future, and I'm not too sure about after that. But when things like this happen I just see how everything falls into place.
God is so good. And I am so excited!
and when i show up, all the windows to our place are open and there is music blasting from out of the house. and david's not visible from the outside. So I come in and he rushes up to me to tell me...
He got a full scholarship to Clare College, Cambridge... as in, IN ENGLAND. As in, tuition and living expenses covered.
We are so excited--you cannot believe it. Absolutely floored.
People are asking what this means for us. Considering I found out about thirty minutes ago, I'm not too sure. It's something we will definitely have to sit down and think out. I have ideas for the immediate future, and I'm not too sure about after that. But when things like this happen I just see how everything falls into place.
God is so good. And I am so excited!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
up to the day...
It looks as if I’m almost at the end of our history, for now…
*
To say that starting life in Toronto has been easy would be a lie. Some days here are really good, and some are really bad, and sometimes we exist in between and sometimes it is really, really hard to keep going. The point of saying that is that I feel we’ve become stronger as a couple since being here. So many things have been much less than ideal, and yet we have become so much better because of it.
We did not really have a break between arriving and the start of school. I think we arrived on the first, and we had an exam on the third. Our belongings were still not here, so we were living out of the contents of 6 backpacks/suitcases. Fortunately the apartment was semi-furnished (bed, table & chairs) and there were pots and pans and silverware in the kitchen, so we could at least cook. We ate a lot of salad and fried meat for the first couple of weeks. I have fond memories of the two of us sitting on the living room floor, watching the BBC “Anne of Green Gables” on David’s laptop for relaxation in the evening. We didn’t have internet access or anything (it took almost a month to get internet) so we spent our evenings, after homework, watching shows and reading.
Meanwhile, we set about seeing if we could improve our living situation. Unfortunately, the poorly worded language of our lease which suggested we could move out within 60 days was not honoured by the Tenant’s Board. So we contacted our Landlord, who said that we could move IF we found someone to rent the place. David and I talked it over. It would mean that we had to a) find a place for ourselves and b) find a renter for this place that c) had to coincide so that we wouldn’t be stuck paying rent on two places, something we definitely could not afford. On top of that, it would mean doing extra work for this and then moving in the middle of a very busy semester. And so David, for the sake of my peace of mind and first semester at grad school, sacrificed his physical comfort and ease so that more stress would not be added, especially for me. That is true love.
Beyond that immense sacrifice when we first moved here, there is little more to say. Our stuff eventually arrived. For those of you looking for more disasters--three of our boxes were water damaged due to something leaking from the next compartment over. I was out when our stuff arrived so David had to deal with all the insurance-claim information on his own. He did well. Fortunately nothing irreplaceable was wrecked. My mum came for a visit in late September, to help us get settled in (Ikea trip) and just to visit. It was a very nice visit, although we didn’t sleep much! The three of us went to Niagara Falls one day and that was very lovely.
Aside from some fun in September, life has mostly consisted of school. The program here is very intense, and we were both far busier than we’d thought we’d be. With both of us in school and working long hours and spending our free ones worrying over school and stressing, it has not been easy. Although we spend much of the day in each other’s company, it is often just doing work. We started working on this toward the end of the semester, purposefully spending more time together alone. It’s been nice, and things have been much better this semester.
As December approached, we both made plans to go home for most of the month. This meant that we would be apart for most of it. I noticed that things were incredibly different from other times we’d gone away--I think we talked on the phone for at least an hour a day this time (much longer than before). I had spent two days in Victoria, but after I left up island the weather turned bad and David was unable to come visit me. So we spent YET ANOTHER Christmas apart, which we are used to, but unfortunately this year I couldn’t even be with him on his birthday.
At home, meanwhile, the usual discussions about when I thought I’d get married would take place. I think by this time everyone was getting used to the idea that it probably wouldn’t be any time soon. It was fairly obvious that this couple would be taking its time. I had one bit of news, however, which was that before we left on vacation David had taken one of my rings “just in case” he found something that needed sizing. But I was trying to not put much hope this.
To make up for missing his birthday, Christmas, and him in general, I had decided to go down to Victoria for New years. The night before I left I was feeling very lonely. I had gone to bed and was laying in the dark with my cat for company, enjoying the cold air and the quiet of the country, and trying to remind myself of my own strength in the face of loneliness and challenges. I was not particularly looking forward to my trip the next day, for although I wanted to see David I didn’t want to lose any time with my family. But that was that. Fortunately I was keen enough to go that I’d set a backup alarm, because our power went out (yet again!) that night and I had an early bus to catch and hadn’t fallen asleep until 3 or 4. By 8am I was on a bus heading south, and somehow in the night healing had come to my loneliness because I was feeling adventuresome again and looking forward to seeing my boy…
Posing outside St Michael's Cathedral for our Christmas Photo
Take Two?
At the CMS Christmas Party. End of Term!!!
Back in Victoria
*
To say that starting life in Toronto has been easy would be a lie. Some days here are really good, and some are really bad, and sometimes we exist in between and sometimes it is really, really hard to keep going. The point of saying that is that I feel we’ve become stronger as a couple since being here. So many things have been much less than ideal, and yet we have become so much better because of it.
We did not really have a break between arriving and the start of school. I think we arrived on the first, and we had an exam on the third. Our belongings were still not here, so we were living out of the contents of 6 backpacks/suitcases. Fortunately the apartment was semi-furnished (bed, table & chairs) and there were pots and pans and silverware in the kitchen, so we could at least cook. We ate a lot of salad and fried meat for the first couple of weeks. I have fond memories of the two of us sitting on the living room floor, watching the BBC “Anne of Green Gables” on David’s laptop for relaxation in the evening. We didn’t have internet access or anything (it took almost a month to get internet) so we spent our evenings, after homework, watching shows and reading.
Meanwhile, we set about seeing if we could improve our living situation. Unfortunately, the poorly worded language of our lease which suggested we could move out within 60 days was not honoured by the Tenant’s Board. So we contacted our Landlord, who said that we could move IF we found someone to rent the place. David and I talked it over. It would mean that we had to a) find a place for ourselves and b) find a renter for this place that c) had to coincide so that we wouldn’t be stuck paying rent on two places, something we definitely could not afford. On top of that, it would mean doing extra work for this and then moving in the middle of a very busy semester. And so David, for the sake of my peace of mind and first semester at grad school, sacrificed his physical comfort and ease so that more stress would not be added, especially for me. That is true love.
Beyond that immense sacrifice when we first moved here, there is little more to say. Our stuff eventually arrived. For those of you looking for more disasters--three of our boxes were water damaged due to something leaking from the next compartment over. I was out when our stuff arrived so David had to deal with all the insurance-claim information on his own. He did well. Fortunately nothing irreplaceable was wrecked. My mum came for a visit in late September, to help us get settled in (Ikea trip) and just to visit. It was a very nice visit, although we didn’t sleep much! The three of us went to Niagara Falls one day and that was very lovely.
Aside from some fun in September, life has mostly consisted of school. The program here is very intense, and we were both far busier than we’d thought we’d be. With both of us in school and working long hours and spending our free ones worrying over school and stressing, it has not been easy. Although we spend much of the day in each other’s company, it is often just doing work. We started working on this toward the end of the semester, purposefully spending more time together alone. It’s been nice, and things have been much better this semester.
As December approached, we both made plans to go home for most of the month. This meant that we would be apart for most of it. I noticed that things were incredibly different from other times we’d gone away--I think we talked on the phone for at least an hour a day this time (much longer than before). I had spent two days in Victoria, but after I left up island the weather turned bad and David was unable to come visit me. So we spent YET ANOTHER Christmas apart, which we are used to, but unfortunately this year I couldn’t even be with him on his birthday.
At home, meanwhile, the usual discussions about when I thought I’d get married would take place. I think by this time everyone was getting used to the idea that it probably wouldn’t be any time soon. It was fairly obvious that this couple would be taking its time. I had one bit of news, however, which was that before we left on vacation David had taken one of my rings “just in case” he found something that needed sizing. But I was trying to not put much hope this.
To make up for missing his birthday, Christmas, and him in general, I had decided to go down to Victoria for New years. The night before I left I was feeling very lonely. I had gone to bed and was laying in the dark with my cat for company, enjoying the cold air and the quiet of the country, and trying to remind myself of my own strength in the face of loneliness and challenges. I was not particularly looking forward to my trip the next day, for although I wanted to see David I didn’t want to lose any time with my family. But that was that. Fortunately I was keen enough to go that I’d set a backup alarm, because our power went out (yet again!) that night and I had an early bus to catch and hadn’t fallen asleep until 3 or 4. By 8am I was on a bus heading south, and somehow in the night healing had come to my loneliness because I was feeling adventuresome again and looking forward to seeing my boy…
Posing outside St Michael's Cathedral for our Christmas Photo
Take Two?
At the CMS Christmas Party. End of Term!!!
Back in Victoria
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