Thursday, August 26, 2010

Thoughts on being Newly Married

I sat down many times before my wedding to try to write my reflections on my upcoming nuptials. How did I feel, how did I think I'd feel, what was marriage going to change?

We have only been married on paper for 2.5 weeks, but it feels like it has always been this way. And in many ways it has, for our commitment, desire, and knowledge that we would marry has been with us since we started dating. The voice of God told me that David would be my husband and there was never much doubt in my mind that we would make a match of it. That it took us over six years to wed is evidence of my reluctance to rush before other matters had settled rather than any anxiety over whether or not we should be together. It was always a matter of the time being right, instead of the person being right.

Everyone I have spoken to says that I absolutely glowed on my wedding day, and that they have never seen a couple so happy. And based on how I felt, feel, I can only believe them because it fits.

I knew I wasn't going to mince to the altar a blushing, trembling bride. We had been together too long for that, and I tend to find the hyper-romance that surrounds weddings to be a foolish and dangerous thing. I expected to feel confident, brave, and almost defiant as I walked to my beloved, but those feelings which usually cloak my shyness weren't present. Instead, as I met David at the front of the church I simply felt peace and contentment settle on me and that was the feeling we both took away from the day.

If anything, it was one of those rare times where one can know with absolute certainty that the thing done is perfectly in line with the universe. No questions, not even hopes, just a feeling of such absolute peace and rightness that there is no question it is Divine will.

No doubt there are an infinite number of small changes that marriage has brought to our day-to-day lives. Yet the only major change is the sense of peace and security I have now. For the first time in a very, very long time I feel settled. Home is no longer a physical place that I will have to leave before I can feel properly settled. Home is now simply David, wherever we are together.

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