Saturday, March 20, 2010

Saturday Blessings

Ever notice that people complain a lot? I mean there's kind of a general atmosphere of negativity, gloom, and possibly even despair hanging over people in general, if not in specifics. So I'm going to try to do my share of being positive, because I know that at least for myself focusing on positive things makes me feel better, makes the world just a little bit brighter, and means that at least for 4/5 days at work I come in smiling and just being happy to have a good ½ mile walk in the crisp morning air. I feel incredibly blessed to have the life that I'm living right now, and I feel that getting trapped in negativity because things don't always work as planned, and certainly aren't always easy, would be throwing that gift back, or at least devaluing it.

On the note of things being hard, this week certainly has been. I've had a cold, a sore back triggered by that and a poor mattress, and to top it all off I fainted in the middle of a meeting at work and broke my fall with my face. So I've been in a lot of pain and discomfort, and certainly have not been easy to live with or overly positive this week!

But there are positives, and now that it's Saturday and my weekend chores are over. Things that made me happy today:

- being able to buy fresh, reasonably priced, local or at least nearby meat from the butchers. Eating happy animals makes me happy.

- getting a 45p chick sugar cookie from the bakers and discovering that the frosting is lemon flavoured.

- wiring money to Canada and experiencing an exchange rate just over 1.5...simply because I am glad it is not lower.

- confirming from my doctor's appointment on Thursday that my blood pressure is normal. Wasn't expecting that!

- having a wonderful fiancé who forces me to go for extra walks just to see flowers blooming along the backs at Clare.

- having a wonderful fiancé who spent the week putting up with my grouchiness and spaciness without losing his temper.

- buying 80p worth of gummibears from a stall in the market to munch on a walk home

- hearing positive things about our wedding/save the dates from people we talk to

That is my list for today, at least so far! And it's not yet three o'clock and I have a whole glorious afternoon and evening in which to read and rest.

Also, hope you enjoy what I am titling "Smash Face". I carpet burned my forehead and nose, cut the inside of my lip, and bruised the bridge of my nose. My mum showed this photo to my Grandma who said that I was very good looking and could she please have a copy. I love my Grandma!

Sunday, March 14, 2010


The wedding shoes have arrived! Or at least the shoes I hope to wear for the wedding have arrived!

When I bought my dress she told me to wear a heel. And these ones have a 4cm (ie: low kitten) heel. Since I can't try my dress on until I'm home in July, I had a discussion with some people who agreed that I might as well buy the shoes, bring 'em to my fitting, and then see if I like how they look. If they don't work I have some options—a really beautiful pair of painted "silk" flats I bought in San Francisco, or going to payless or walmart and picking up a cheap pair of flats for the ceremony.

When I wear these shoes I do not want to take them off. They are so pretty and unique and shoegasmic. There was a worrying moment where it looked like I couldn't do one of them up, as they're all stiff and new at the moment, but after some fiddling I managed, and they are surprisingly comfortable. My feet have never been overly fond of pointy-toed shoes, and the toe part on these is no different, but I plan to break them in and hopefully by the wedding they are fine. At least they don't hurt my ankles, which is the problem I usually experiencing with flats.

Also, in my joy over shoes I totally did not clue in to what my mum told me on the phone—Save the Dates are going out today! Well, probably tomorrow by the time the postman collects, but! I actually feel quite guilty because to save work for my parents I made all these address labels...which then didn't format correctly for printing and my mother retyped them all. And now she and dad seemed to have pulled off an amazing feat of love and gotten all 75 or so labelled and ready for post within two days. Have I mentioned that my parents are amazing?

I also feel slightly terrified that we are now sending out the pre-invites, as in this is actually happening.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Thankfulness & Grace

Written on Sunday:

Today is a day that makes me glad to be alive. The sun is shining, so bright, and it woke me up this morning and I just lay in bed being infused with its glorious light. My body and subsequent mental health is so dependent on sunlight, and lately I have just enjoyed waking up Happy.

I think it is a great gift to be 26 years old and happy. You may not think it is, but when so many people are miserable/depressed, and seem to just get more gloomy as they age, it is a sign of hope that my joy in life is increasing. I am certainly not happy, not free from care, every day and often not even for an entire day, but joy in the morning seems to me to be a great blessing in life.

It is wonderful to catch a glimpse of myself in the glass or mirror and notice that I really AM getting thinner (thank you power-walking and less soda). It is lovely to have a partner who is so consistently and constantly supportive, because I am so quick to be negative about myself and he is so quick to correct me.

I don't have a fantastic envy-inducing job, but in these times I think it is enough to have a job, and a blessing to have a job that I can at least enjoy on various levels. I may not have much in the way of large possessions, but I have a large light-filled flat and low rent, furniture provided by the college so that we didn't have to incur debt in buying some, and the benefits of walking 1-2 miles a day. I may not be able to afford fancy vacations, but with a little planning ahead I can afford a day trip to London or into the English countryside. I may not have a lot of money, but my debts are decreasing and I am once again able to buy groceries without having to worry about how to pay for them.

If I am to be realistic I can say that I will not retain this positive outlook forever, perhaps not even all day. Eventually I may get hungry and grumpy, or my over-sensitive feelings will get hurt and I'll sulk, but for the moment I revel in a feeling of perfect joy, and pray for the grace to experience a continuance of the feeling that all is right in my little world.