mostly quotes

Another week nearly over and more wedding stuff knocked off the list. I got my quote in for our wedding favors (which will remain a [super awesome] surprise) and it is definitely doable. Also I'm just waiting for my mum to do a bit more calling and then we'll be trying to book our flights home! I am soooooooooooooo excited. I've only been here for 3.5 months, but it is so nice to anticipate a trip home.

The priest, Fr Alistair, who is doing our pre-marital counseling gave us a book to read called The Gift of Self in Marriage. I have read a number of books on relationships/marriage over the years, and none of them are ever perfect, but there were a few bits from this one that I like. I know the quotes are out of context, and so probably make no sense whatsoever, but I thought I'd post them anyway, as they at least hint at the direction my own mind is going:

The interpretation of the gift of self in marriage, and its potential fruit in childbearing, depends, fundamentally, on how we see ourselves as human beings. –Anita Dowsing, The Gift of Self in Marriage.

Christ underpins [a married couple’s] awesome commitment with the gift of his grace, so that they can be faithful to each other, as he is to the Church. –Anita Dowsing, The Gift of Self in Marriage.

It is a gift of the whole person, body, soul and spirit, which sets the seal on the marriage vows and makes them irrevocable. –Anita Dowsing, The Gift of Self in Marriage.

By creating a welcoming home, we receive each other in ever new ways. We receive God’s gifts of children, of friends and of new forms of service. All this implies openness to what God will give and an acceptance that we receive all our fruitfulness at his hand. –Anita Dowsing, The Gift of Self in Marriage.

It is the acceptance of the other in pain as well as joy that makes for lifelong fidelity and only God can give the couple the strength to do this. For the Christians this means a deliberate turning to the cross; for all married couples it means persevering, whatever the cost. –Anita Dowsing, The Gift of Self in Marriage.

Christ’s gift of self says something fundamental about the commitment in marriage that is often forgotten. It is rooted in the will to give, not in emotions. –Anita Dowsing, The Gift of Self in Marriage.

wedding rambles and a bit of christmas chatter

Haven’t done as much wedding stuff as I’d wanted to this past week, namely because I am at one of those “waiting for everyone to get back to me” stages. Also in a “waiting for my job to start” stage, because until then I don’t want to court the idea of things like spending money! We are one step closer to our marriage prep, which is nice—at our church they do it one on one, instead of as a group, so we just need to email the contact name we were given and see if he has time for us. So that is good, and David will be doing that today.

On the Save the Date front, free postcards turned out to be not quite free. Excited as I get about things like that, I like to do my research as I believe that very little in this world is actually free. And although I was willing to brush aside complaints about quality, I read one too many warnings about a semi-legal form of credit card theft to trust my details to the company. So it is back to the drawing board, literally—just waiting for some printers to get back to me with quotes before we decide if our postcards are going to be printed as postcards or printed as photos! And we still need to ask someone to design them... ahem. But as I see it, there’s no great loss without some small gain, and having to rethink options usually leads to a better solution. So other than being annoyed last week that you just can’t trust people, or at least internet businesses, that’s that.

One thing that is a weight off my mind is a veil. There is nothing worse than falling in love with a veil and then having to worry that it won’t work. One of my mum’s friends gave me the very kind gift of her wedding veil. But when we took it down to try on with my dress our consultant was very worried that the veil was ivory and the dress is white. And in the pictures the veil does come out looking very yellow, but as it’s taken under yellow light in a room with yellow walls, we weren’t sure if it was going to be a problem or not. So when it’s sunny, sometime in the spring I guess, mum is going to haul my dress and veil into good light and take a picture or seven so that we can see if the contrast is too great. The reason I’m not stressing, however, is that I just found some veils that are almost as good as the one I love on ebay and the prices are very reasonable. So it is a weight off my mind! And yes, I am girly enough to worry over my veil!

I’ve got a warm fuzzy feeling about getting married, most likely because David and I were talking about actual wedding stuff the other day. It is so nice to get his thoughts on things, because they bring me back down to earth and make me focus on what is really important, and it is just really exciting to know that he is excited and involved in wedding planning, even if he spends most of his time working on his thesis instead of fussing over invites.

Christmas is coming up and I’m starting to look forward to it. The one thing I’m really hoping is that neither of our mothers starts getting all teary about how we’re away from home for Christmas, because that will make it hard again, instead of just a fun experience. I wish we could be home, but I don’t want to focus on what I’m missing and instead just focus on what I’m getting—my first Christmas (ever) with David, a chance for us to start setting our own traditions, and a chance to spend Christmas in another country. It is so magical here already—when we go downtown there are pockets of carollers, lights strung up everywhere, and church bells tolling in the distance. Because the city is so old you really feel caught up in an Olde English Christmas play or something.

I am taking part in carolling and going out with the Saint Vincent DePaul society to sign some carols and hopefully raise some money. It is a good start to the Christmas season! We haven’t done much here yet, for one thing because I refuse to start Christmas decorating until advent, and because until I work we’re not going out to buy superfluous stuff like a tree and decorations. We’ve received one Christmas card already, but it was from Royal Mail advising us of extended post office hours...so I’m hoping we get more than that! I’m not going to do much baking, if any, baking this year as I don’t have an electric mixer or any pans (and the grocery store sells delicious cookies and shortbread and pies). We did get our chocolate advent calendars, however, so the sitting room is a little prepped for December. And that is that!

A somewhat poor quality photo of our advent calendars. David has chosen a retro design, but I went for the brightly-gaudy Cadbury's calendar, because I trusted the chocolate quality more.

flowers sorted out, maybe

Thanks to time browsing on the internet, I think I solved my bouquet dilemma. Originally the plan had been to make bouquets with silk flowers. See, I love flowers. I love to see them growing, and I love to have vases of them in my home to brighten it up. I love plants too. But somehow I just wasn’t loving any bouquet idea aside from ones that weren’t going to easily work for our wedding/budget. Partially, I think, because everything just seemed too boring and expected, or on the flip side too foreign looking for what I wanted. Hard to please. But while browsing for instructions on how to make butterflies, I found some pictures and instructions for DIY organza flowers. And these organza flowers exactly capture the kind of look I’m going for. That ethereal, otherworldly look:



Not only do they have “the look” but they’re also ridiculously easy to make, and after doing some quick internet browsing, also look like they’ll be really inexpensive to make. So I can probably make them just by using some of my weekly spending money. I’m not sure yet how I’m going to make them into bouquets, but I’m looking forward to playing around with different ideas.

I’m getting David to email the priest about marriage prep so hopefully we’ll be doing that soon. I’m really looking forward to it. After almost six years together I think it’s time for a tune up, to break us out of any bad habits we’ve fallen into. So I am hoping it’s a little more on the thinking-questions side, and less on the “this is how you share a bathroom” side. Ye gods!

irked!

My annoyance has faded a little, but this was the response I got to my email to our church about doing marriage prep:

Unfortunately, our marriage prep course is only available for those who are parishioners who will be getting married here at Newman.

I realize that as a university church they are kind of stuck doing something like this, because so much of the parish is transient. But it still bothers me on some level--we've been going to the church fairly exclusively (aside from when I had to be at the Cathedral for a friend's RCIA) and have participated in various events, that's where our offering money goes etc. So it is irksome that we don't qualify to do our marriage prep there. Keep in mind the marriage prep course is a prereq to having a Catholic wedding.

I have a few options:
- contact the Arch Diocese and see about doing it in Toronto in the short space of time now before we leave
- contacting the church in BC where we are going to get married and see what they say
- waiting until we both move to the UK and doing it there

I think the last two options are my best. I'm going to ask david what he thinks, but I think we may just be better leaving Toronto out of the equation. In my experience most places are only interested in you if you're physically present, and usually not interested at all when you're leaving.

I also think it might be less of a hassle going through it in the UK and getting "permission" to marry back home than it would be to go through it in Toronto and getting permission to marry on the other side of the country. But still! I realize that our circumstances seem a little more "special" to me than they do to some random secretary, and that most of the world is not still trying to grasp the concept that yes, David did win a scholarship for three years to do his PhD at Cambridge, and subsequently our plans of the last couple of years of settling in Toronto for at least five years have had a huge wrench thrown in them, but!

My original reason for wanting to get it done before the end of summer was that I wasn't sure of how/when/if I could get a visa, and thus had irrational fears of being stuck in BC while DAvid was in Cambridge and us being unable to do the prep course and unable to get married. Irrational, I know, and not really an issue anymore. But it's back to the drawing board for marriage prep I guess.